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Idol Gives Back – April 9, 2008
By PopSavant | April 9, 2008 | 
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A break from the usual American Idol fare tonight as we get a look at Idol Gives Back. Last year the inaugural event raised over seventy million dollars for various worthwhile causes around the world. They’re out to top that number this year, and they’ve pulled out all the stops and are bringing in some big celeb names in an attempt to drive the donations up.
I’m unsure how effective liveblogging something like this will be, but I’ll give it a shot anyway. If I may make an editorial comment, I generally think that Big Media is a completely soulless engine of greed, and the cynical part of me says that this is an attempt to boost American Idol’s profile even higher and prolong the season. Still, the causes are worthy, and the show DOES have the power to rake in the bucks that somehow, somewhere might just actually find there way to provide help to someone who can use it. With that in mind, I’ll lend them my support. If you enjoy this blog, consider donating a bit by way of saying thanks… either to Idol Gives Back directly, or to some other worthy charity close to your own beliefs.
It’s 7:30 Eastern, and the show is starting with a brief intro by Ryan and the Idols going in to Rihanna’s Don’t Stop The Music, a
performance with a light show, dancers from So You Think You Can Dance, and driving music that reminds us just how cheesy the usual Idol group numbers can be. The Idols themselves do have a bit of a part, each taking a line and singing through the chorus, but they’re in the background as the attention is on the dancers.
A garish ExxonMobile logo just took up a the lower left chunk of the screen; those are your gasoline dollars at work, folks. At least they gave a small modicum of it back.
Speaking of gasoline, NASCAR driver Jimmie Johnson just made an appearance encouraging people to give. I just can’t get into racing, but I hear they’re the nicest of all the major-sport athletes.
After the commercial break (can’t Fox let the commercials go for this event? C’mon.) George Lopez makes an announcement in Spanish, and Kylie Minogue does the same in English. Maria Shriver comes out to the tune of Maria from West Side Story and encourages people to volunteer as well as give money. She quotes both Ghandi and an ancient Hopi prayer; no words of wisdom from Austria or Kennebunkport, apparently… but her message does, not coincidentally I’m guessing, echo one of Barack Obama campaign slogans, “we are the ones we’ve been waiting for.” She has endorsed him, after all.
Ben Stiller tells us that his album, “Stiller Whips Whitney’s Ass for Charity” is doing so poorly that we had better pick up the slack and give money to Idol gives back.
Snoop Dogg performs, giving us the first truly A-list celeb of the night; that’s followed by a video announcement from Kobe Bryant… with what looks like a white band-aid on his face?
More commercials from Fox, followed by a donation request from wrestler Triple H.
Paula Abdul and Randy Jackson come out and educate us about the problem of overweight children in America. Interesting choice; Randy’s weight struggles are well known, and years ago there were rumors Paula had her Promise of a New Day video stretched out because she felt like she was getting fat. The video segment, however, has nothing to do with the lead in, instead focusing on kids in impoverished areas.
Teri Hatcher is out next singing A-lister Carrie Underwood’s Before He Cheats. The lyrics suggest that perhaps some guy will think before he cheats on his girlfriend because his previous girlfriend destroyed his car; I suggest that perhaps he’ll have you thrown in jail for felony destruction of property instead.
A video donation request from Mary Murphy, of So You Think You Can Dance… fame? Another commercial, and the Jonas Brothers also ask us to give. Billy Crystal introduces Mylie Cyrus, giving us our third A-lister of the night, and they exchange a little forgettable awards-show-quality dialog, which actually becomes funny when the script has Mylie ask Billy if he’s famous… I was just curious about that. He certainly is a big deal to me, but I did wonder if the younger Idol fans know who he is. She performs Good and Broken. I’ve got to confess that I’ve largely managed to avoid her work until now and based on this performance I’m not sure I’ve been missing out. Given her level of popularity, surely she’s better than this… right?
The Idols are answering phones tonight, including Chikezie. I can’t help but think that many of the other former Idols are also working in call centers around America tonight.
Bono ups the A-list count to 4, and takes us on a tour of a village in Africa ravaged by AIDS. He tells a young girl name to Sophia to look in the camera, where America’s looking back… and promises on our behalf that we all care about her and will do what we can to keep her alive. It’s the first heart-wrenching moment of the night, and it ought to be. Kids shouldn’t be dying, anywhere.
A video pledge request from Julianne Moore, followed by a number from Fergie and John Legend. Fergie’s voice is stronger than I realized it was, but the song is pretty much forgettable. For a complete style change, she introduces Heart, who perform Barracuda. Amazingly, they sound just like they have for thirty years, and that’s a compliment. Fergie comes out in a skin-tight outfit and trades verses with Ann Wilson… it’s a showstopper, absolutely fantastic. I’ve been lukewarm on Fergie until now, but she really impressed me with this.
Wrestler John Cina does a video pledge request. A commercial and Adam Sandler also does a pretaped request. It’s not enough to increment the A-list count. Eli and Payton Manning are up next, live and in person. Payton’s the biggest sports celeb in America, so that’s enough to bump it up to five. They lead into a segment updating us on the continuing plight of Hurricane Katrina victims.
David and Victoria Beckham do a video pledge segment next… do I give them an A-list credential? I suppose I’d better. Six. Ryan announces the total is up to eighteen million dollars.
Bono is back, introducing us to an AIDS orphan and his memory box, in which he keeps items that reminds him of his parents. His ambition is to be a judge. They cut to Annie Lennox in South Africa, who introduces us to more AIDS orphans, who they show getting HIV tests themselves… it’s hard enough to watch, I can’t imagine what the kids are going through waiting to get the results, which are fortunately negative. Annie ends the segment by saying “okay, lets go, this is really hard” which makes me hate her a little just for a second… the kids can’t just leave, they’re stuck in #@*$($! Africa with no parents and everything going to hell around them. Any bets on what a followup segment in ten years will find has happened to them? In her defense, that’s not what Annie meant and it’s not fair to her that I feel that way, but there you go. Following the video segment she comes out live and performs; she’s quite a singer.
Kiefer Sutherland does a video segment; dammit, I have to wait until next year for 24?
Next up is a Celine Dion video bit from Africa; these kids aren’t suffering enough, we have to send them Celine? Jimmy Kimmel follows, giving Simon something like a clean mini-roast. Simon does a segment telling us that millions of children around America lack basic health care, illustrating the problem by showing us a family consisting of a mother with an autoimmune disease, a daughter with rheumatoid arthritis, and a boy who’s spent years in a wheelchair and now has pins in his knee, all of whom are now dependent on healthcare provided by charities. Can I remain politically conservative and still say there’s no damn excuse for this kind of situation existing in the only superpower on earth?
Carrie Underwood sings George Michael’s Praying for Time next… not much to say here. It’s a good song, and she does a good job. It’s followed by a Whoopi Goldberg video pledge segment and a commercial. Coming out of the commercial is a pre-taped Ellen DeGeneres piece.
Gloria Estefan performs next, singing Get On Your Feet… she’s also joined by Shelia E., which makes the performance potentially interesting. Some dancers come out and prove there’s a world of difference between professionals and the So You Think You Can Dance crowd.
Sara Silverman introduces a video segment about the problem of malaria, hosted by Forrest Whitaker. I don’t know if strictly speaking if he’s A-list or not, but he completely kicks ass in everything I’ve seen him in, so I’ll give him the nod. Seven. The video features babies whose brains are swelling due to malaria. This is a stupid disease, because it’s so easily presentable. They say a ten dollar mosquito net can stop the infection; why do I believe someone’s making a profit somewhere in there? You can’t make a net for less than ten bucks? What if we bought a billion dollars worth of them? How about ten? Or how about the corrupt governments in Africa stop lining their pockets and save their own citizens? Don’t even stop swiping all the money, just cut the take down by half for a couple of years. Or use the Nigerian email scam money to fund the program.
Gordon Brown comes on the video screen and announces that the UK will spring for $200 million dollars worth of nets. Ryan announces that tonight’s total is up to $22 million.
Commercial break, and a video segment by Keith Urban. Reese Witherspoon comes out live and says a word for the Children’s Defense Fund and something called Freedom School which they say helps a lot but don’t really explain other than by saying it convinces kids to be leaders and not followers. (By definition, don’t there have to be more followers than leaders?)
The Idols are out next singing Seasons of Love from the musical Rent. It’s one of the few group numbers they’ve done this year that actually works; is it any coincidence that a frequent criticism Simon dispenses is that the people sound like they’re better suited for show tunes. Special props to Kristy Lee Cook who proves she can do a bit more than the hillbilly stuff by being the one standout Idol in the segment.
Dane Cook introduces an Alicia Keys video – her journey across Africa – that you can download from the Idol site. They show a clip of Alicia talking to people in an African village… Fox mysteriously feels the need add subtitles even though the person talking is speaking very good English, which I think is a bit insulting.
Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Tisdale star in the next video pledge segment. Vanessa could always put some pictures on Ebay to raise a few bucks. Mylie Cyrus comes out and sings Can’t Wait To See You Again… okay, unlike her first performance, now I get it. This one’s good. I’d heard this of course, but didn’t know who it was by. After the song, she’s joined by her dad for a video segment on the problems facing rural Kentucky.
Next up is Robin Williams (A-count to 
billing himself as the Russian Idol, “Ivan Yakinoff” which somehow makes it past the censors. He mentions his favorite game show So You Think You Can Drink? and mentions that Midnight Train To Georgia has a very different meaning in his country. It’s the only humor that really worked tonight, and probably will draw flak for playing up Russian stereotypes. Ryan renames him “Ivan Popinoff” , I wonder if someone talked in his earpiece.
Rob Schneider suggests that we send money because Bono only personally has half the funds it will take to fix Africa. I love Rob. Commercial, then Tyra Banks. David Spade follows, introducing a Brad Pitt video segment on New Orleans. The charity is Make It Right, which is helping to build homes for people in New Orleans who, even three years later, are still displaced. Following the video, Brad shows up in person (A:9) but in an outfit he seemingly borrowed from Bruce Willis. His microphone fails, and a sound lady comes out offering the line of the night: “I just needed a reason to touch you.” He introduces yet another video segment, this time starring Daughtry from Uganda.
They close the night with Mariah Carey, who I suppose I have to give an A-nod too, even though it kills me. Randy Jackson plays bass, which is cool, a throwback to his Journey days. Mariah’s mike glitters with rhinestones – I hope they’re not diamonds – nothing like flashing a little bling to let the world know that none of the problems of the last two and a half hours apply directly to you. The song is pointless, meandering, and utterly horrible, punctuated with Mariah’s signature high-notes-out-of-nowhere and her continually pinching the air as if she’s Mr. Miyagi trying to catch flies with a pair of chopsticks.
As if to cleanse our collective palate from that travesty, the Idols come back out one last time with Shout To The Lord and take us off the air.
And that’s the night. They’ll continue to take donations on the web site and at 877-IDOL-AID. Consider chipping in, if you can.
See you tomorrow night.
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