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American Idol Season 8 Auditions – San Francisco, January 20, 2009
By PopSavant | January 20, 2009 | 
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Welcome to the liveblog of the San Francisco round of American Idol Season 8 auditions. If there’s a talented town in America, you’d think it would be San Francisco, yet they only give it an hour vs. the two that Phoenix and Kansas City got. Curious.
The show opens up showing a couple getting engaged while standing in the audition line. I’m sure they’ve got a bright future. Now, on to the contestants:
Tatiana Del Toro is up first, a moderately attractive girl with the most grating laugh since Fran Drescher, and she demonstrates her complete lack of fashion sense by showing up in some kind of minidress with gauzy fabric jutting out all around. She’s taken the precaution of consulting her friend, “one of the world’s most powerful psychics,” who told her that she’s going to the top twelve, so she’s got that going for her. “I could do so much good!” Tatiana gushes, informing us that she wants to be the American Idol more than anyone has wanted anything, ever! Her song is Never Loved A Man, by Aretha. Aretha herself made an appearance today at the Obama inauguration, wearing a ridiculous giant hair bow… perhaps Tatiana could add that to her outfit. Simon says the problem is that she’s “trying to copy–” Tatiana interrupts by shrieking another song. Despite that, she gets three yes votes and she’s off to Hollywood. She’s one to watch… not because she’ll win, but be cause I’m smelling the potential for a major train wreck here.
Next up is a commercial and then a compilation two of the rejects, including someone singing We Built This City, which is perhaps one of the worst songs in the history of recorded music.
Dean-Anthony Bradford is next up, wearing the plaid “Jacket of Life.” It’s bad enough, but Randy calls the singing “torture,” and he’s right.
Jesus Valenzuela follows, telling us how much his kids love the show. He sings very briefly, and Simon says “you’re just not going to win this,” but Paula and Kara are on the fence… they invite his kids in the room to make us all feel bad, and he gets another chance to sing, giving us a bit of Unchained Melody… it’s passable, and between that and the kid angle he goes through to Hollywood. Nice, but he won’t last.
Dalton Powell introduces himself by solving a Rubix cube in 24 seconds. He performs Ooh Baby Baby by Smokey Robinson for the judges, but it takes only a fraction of Rubix time for it to be clear he’s awful. Next.
Another reject and a commercial.
Following the commercial, Akilah Askew-Gholston gives us our first bit of Idol gold of the young season. She comes to the audition clutching a folder of printouts from the Internet that purport to teach her the art of gospel singing, including instructions on the proper use of her “tray-shea-ah.” She clomps into the audition room in a pair of knee boots that are straining at the seams, accompanied by the sweet sounds of Oingo Boingo. Simon thinks she has a face that is both “nice” and “naughty.” The judges ask Akilah what song she has chosen but rather than a gospel number she goes an original song, the (presumably Chef-inspired) Make Sweet Love… which is predictably hideous. Simon, for whatever reason, says “the song, not you, is horrible” … actually, he’s wrong, both were horrible. Akilah responds by apologizing, saying that she’s singing out “the wrong rectum,” but she’s history. She concludes her exit interview by saying that she shouldn’t have let the judges “iractitake me,” even though “they made me feel like one of those auditioners that couldn’t sing.” Akilah reminds me of the old Damon Wayans skit from In Living Color in which the character tried to use words he didn’t understand and inevitably ended up with borderline profanity.
Some final thoughts on Akilah “Rectum? DAMN NEAR KILLED ‘EM!” Askew-Gholston’s audition… her walk-in music was Oingo Boingo. If the heavens are merciful, sometime before Idol ends its run, please, please, please let us have a Boingo theme night. Also props to Paula for the hat, it was very 1980’s Paula. It looked good.
Next we get a compilation of the “frenzy of golden tickets” Ryan says they handed out, including someone named John Twiford, followed by an attractive brunette whose name escaped me doing Son of a Preacher Man, and a redhead named Allison that made it through despite clearly sucking. My money is on her to be the next Amanda. VFTW, keep your eye on her.
Next up is Annie Murdoch who says she “loves to scat like Ella” … which pretty much tells the experienced Idol view that she’s going to tank outright. Further proof is immediately supplied when the judges ask her “What are you going to sing?” and she has no clue. She finally launches into a dreadful version of Summertime. Simon says Annie appears drunk – “not just one or two bottles, but a crate” while Randy says that she clearly likes jazz – “Where you can be drunk!” Simon amusingly adds. She is quickly shown the door. Annie was interesting… she looked like someone had taken a decapitated body and affixed a Meredith Baxter head to it by tying it on with a scarf. If there’s a radio station morning show gimmick audition yet this year, Annie was it.
Adam Lambert auditions next. He’s a 26 year old from Hollywood, currently in the cast of Wicked. The producers choose Coldplay as the background music for his piece, telling the Observant Viewer that Adam will make it through, since they wouldn’t have wasted a current song on an also-ran. He performs Bohemian Rhapsody, and very well, too… he’s faithful to the song without copying Freddie, and shows both power and control. He’s got a good face, too… he’ll go far. Paula offers the nonsensical compliment that Adam is the “most diverse” singer they’ve seen, while Simon calls him “theatrical,” which may be Simon’s code word for homophobia. Randy agrees that Adam is theatrical, but says it’s “time… probably, currently… for somebody like you.” Adam goes to Hollywood with four yes votes. On the way out, Adam tells us that his first pop concert was Paula Abdul, when he was ten.
Closing the show tonight is Kai Kalama from San Clemente, California. Kai works as a musician at night and takes care of mom, who is suffering from a seizure disorder, during the day. He sings Smoke Gets in Your Eyes, by the Platters. He’s got stylishly crazy hair, which he can carry off because he’s good looking, a good voice, and more importantly he makes good choices with the song, pulling back when the range threatens to go beyond his capabilities. Simon thinks Kai has ” a good voice, but the personality of a ship singer,” while Kara thinks he needs to work on his attitude. He gets four yesses, with Simon offering the final bit of advice that Kai work on his confidence, namely by watching how Simon acts on the show. It’s actually not the worst advice… if Kai manages to become a bit more magnetic between the auditions and the voting round, he could make it through the first couple of votes. He’s got the talent, but he’s not compelling.
That was it for San Francisco. Idol shows us the usual montage of winners, and they prominently feature the redhead again… this promises good things for those who like a sideshow.
Kara showed a flash of attitude tonight, but not in a way that made me like her any better.
See you next time!
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