Note to Tony Romo: You’re playing the star position on America’s Team, and having a hell of a season. A young man should enjoy the benefits of the job. In fact, it’s your outright responsibility to do so, to fulfill all the fantasies of every other man in America. So, ignore the press machine, and take a long hard look across the pillow the next time you wake up early. Stare into those lifeless, bovine eyes – it’s okay to do it one at a time you can’t get them both in view, they kind of track to each side of her head – Jessica Simpson? Really? Granted, she’s got the body. But her face? Okay, sure, on the girl next door, maybe. But on someone whose stock-in-trade is sitting around being one of the hottest women on the planet? Or maybe it’s the great personality?

Add to that the grating, nasally voice, a camera presence that leaves 1970s soap stars looking like the second coming of Richard Burton, and IQ just one side of blithering idiocy and you have quite a package – can’t sing, can’t act, isn’t particularly attractive, dumb aas a post and yet is somehow famous for three out of the four.

C’mon, Romo. You can do better. Tiger Woods did. David Beckham did. Every NASCAR driver does. Hell, even AJ Feely did.